Often, when I am asked a “How are you?”, “How’s everything”, or even a dreaded “What’s wrong?” by close friends or family, I am inclined to give the most surface level answer “I’m fine”… even when I have a million small fires that I am trying to put out in my mind (theoretically of course).
Many people can relate to this sentiment… so why do we continue the brush-over? Sure our conversational counterpart expectations are similar.
Truly, It would be awkward to delve into all the things wrong within the last week at that given moment where small talk is expected. Something like:
“Life’s sh*t actually, my nail split in the middle, I locked my keys inside the car and I’m down to my most uncomfortable underwear because I haven’t done my laundry in the past 3 weeks”
“…oh?”
But what happens when we keep ourselves quiet-
And we are silently losing the fire extinguishing fight we have going on inside? We all react differently when we lose that battle, some folks go missing from communicating with their loved ones, others let their worst habits get the best of them, and I personally go quiet, moping around with a murderous look on my face right before my tears extinguishes it all.
Most importantly we don’t realize how constant answers of “I’m fine” can put a wedge between ourselves and our loved ones who only wish us the best.
Friends and family won’t always know in what ways they can be of support, if they do not hear from you what’s wrong. We find ourselves missing out on the opportunity to ask for help, and regret so when we’re faced with the consequences later.
So how can we practice being truthful without dishing it all in a opportunity of vulnerability?
This will require some introspection on your part (which is always recommended)-
But first, identify the all of the “little fires” that are you’re struggling with in the moment. Consider the scope of your little fire… it could even be a five alarm! (notably, some tasks and problems are more complex than others).
Next, identify how YOU are really feeling- overwhelmed, tired, stressed, happy, or worried.
And finally, keep it honest and simple…
“I’ve been a bit overwhelmed, and could actually use your help when you have the chance”
“My day has been quite the rollercoaster, but I’d be grateful if you could help me out with something to make it easier”
“This week has been great, it could be better if we could get together and do-“
These are just a few examples of how we can share some honesty, in hopes that we can be extended a helping hand back.
All things considered, let’s practice sharing how we are really feeling in the comments and I encourage you to acknowledge eachother as well.
-Jocelyn S.
Great Post!